we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
