after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
