where am i from again
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
