around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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