I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
