So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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