I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
