Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
