she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
