try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
