I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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