theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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