You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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