I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I will be naked everywhere
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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