last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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