I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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