the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
