You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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