I like to think it a success when the cops are called
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I will be naked everywhere
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
