is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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