before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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