Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
