just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
