Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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