you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
