it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I love having hate sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
