i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
