Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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