I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
