Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
