There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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