you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
