Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
