i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
