go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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