we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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