My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
