it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
