my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
