things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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