my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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