Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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