she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
