I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
