if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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