neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
