I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
