Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
