I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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