You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
