I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
