Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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