i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
