I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
