Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
