I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
