3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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