When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
