just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
