O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
